Posted by: Kristin W | March 3, 2010

Freaked Out

What a day.

Let’s back up a little.  Starting when I was in high school, I had a recurring dream where my teeth would fall out.  I’d be eating or talking and suddenly there would be a tooth in my mouth.  When I’d go to a mirror to investigate, I would touch another tooth and it would fall out until I had four or five in my hand.  Then I’d wake up in a sweat.  Throughout college I continued to have this dream on a regular basis.  Then, shortly after Andrew and I were married, it picked up in frequency.  At one point, I was having this same basic dream about once a week.  It got to the point where I knew it was a dream, so I would purposefully knock out the rest of the teeth.  One day, I was in Barnes and Noble and saw a book about dream interpretation.  It said that dreams about losing teeth were related to calcium loss during pregnancy and indicated that you want to have a baby.  OK, whatever.  I’m not a big believer in this kind of stuff, so I kind of dismissed it.  However, once I got pregnant with Sam, I never had the dream again.

Until this morning.

In this version, I lost a molar in our kitchen.  I was calling a dentist while the kids were running around with the tooth in a Ziploc bag making jokes about the tooth fairy.  I woke up in a panic.  So now, of course, I am taking it as a sign that I’m ready for my next round of kids.  Or maybe it’s a sign that we’re closer to getting them than we might think.  (I believe in signs, I’m just not always sure what they mean.)

Today was E’s field trip.  I dropped the kids off at school and had about an hour to kill, so went to Target to pick up some new bath towels.  While I was there, and since I had some spare time, I decided to browse the baby section.  I haven’t been there for a while, so I thought I’d see if there was anything new.  Bad idea.  I became completely overwhelmed.  I started thinking about how once we get a referral (and therefore know the ages of my children-to-be) we will only have a few months to get everything ready.  And we’ll have to get all this stuff.  Bottles or sippy cups.  Diaper pail or potty seat.  Car seats or boosters.  We’ll have to move the kids furniture, decide who sleeps where and get bedding.  (As an aside to my sheer panic…they have some really cute bedding sets for toddler beds at Target.)  We’ll have to get their measurements and pull out old clothes or buy new stuff in the right sizes.  We’ll have to pull out some age-appropriate toys and videos.   Everything will have to be washed, cleaned, or disinfected.  The kids closets and dressers will have to be purged to make room for a second set of stuff in each.  HOLY COW!!  I had to leave Target before I started hyperventilating.

As you know.  I’m a planner.  Adoption is a very un-plannable process.  You might argue that when you get pregnant you don’t really know what you’re going to get.  But, at least you know you’re going to get a baby.  If you see a cute baby item, you can buy it.  When I see a cute baby item, I make a mental note of the approximate age range and add it to the growing list of “things we might need, but don’t know yet if we’ll need.”  I think today I officially freaked out.  I bought a box of Junior Mints at the checkout.  They didn’t help.

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