Posted by: Kristin W | January 27, 2011

The Day I’ve Dreaded

So, today is like any day.  I’ll go to work.  The kids will go to school.  Andrew will stay home to work on his dissertation.  The puppy will chew up something he shouldn’t.  We’ll pick up the kids, have dinner, do homework and put them to bed.  The thing is, that on the calendar, it’s not a normal day.

It’s our Waitaversary.

That’s right, one year ago today, we went on the waiting list.  One year ago today, we were freaking out, wondering how on earth we would finish saving up for the entire adoption.  We were wondering how we would coordinate things if we got a referral in three months.  We were hoping that the kids were ready to accept new siblings into the family.  We were cramming to read all the best adoption literature.  We were dreaming about how to redecorate the kids’ rooms in an effort to ease the transition.  (Okay, so that was mainly me, I’m not sure Andrew ever considered the decorating part…)

Flash forward to today.  We are weary.  Tired of waiting.  Tired of dreaming.  Tired of thinking up new responses to the question, “What’s going on with the adoption?”  We saved up the money, read the books, prepared the kids and picked out new room decor.  (Again, that part is me…Andrew hasn’t seen it yet in case I change my mind after we get a referral.)

It seems like the last year has been lived with life on the pause button.  You try not to think about it every day, but every day something comes up that requires you to think about whether you can commit to something.  For example, can we plan a trip in May?  Maybe, but maybe we’ll be in Ethiopia. So we go through life in an awkward state of semi-planning, prefacing everything with “if we’re not in Ethiopia,” but getting less and less sure if it will ever happen.

Meg says that we’re only allowed one whiny, woe-is-me post, and I think I’ve already exceeded that limit.  So, rather than bore you on a regular basis with depressing news of nothing, I’ve decided to take the blog in a new direction.

As I said, I’ve done a lot of reading.  I love to read, and learning more about adoption, Ethiopia, and parenting in general is especially good reading.  But, I realize that many of you don’t like to read.  (I realize it, but I don’t understand it…)  So, I thought I would share with you the nuggets of information I’ve gleaned from the various resources I’ve picked up over the last year.  Consider it a Cliff Notes on Adoption column, where you can skip the reading and just get the important stuff.  I’m not a literary critic or a scholar, but I know what I like and what is helpful to me as a real mom.  At least it will give me something to do.

Up first on the nightstand:

Look for my review of I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race Conscious World: A Guide for Parents and Teachers by Marguerite Wright sometime in the next week.




  1. Meg was wrong – you can have as many of those posts as you need! Seriously. Hugs to you.

    I just finished I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla, too, and I keep meaning to post a review to the blog. Maybe we’ll both get ours up sometime soon.

  2. You can whine all you want, I whine all the time and we have been waiting only 3 months with WHFC. I can totally relate to living in the awkward phase of semi planning, we are there now and it is so hard.

    I just downloaded that book to my kindle, I better get reading so I can keep up with your review.

    Hang in there!

  3. I’m so sorry you are having to wait so long. I totally understand the need to whine. I feel whiny myself. Maybe we should get together again for some whine and cheese!

    On another note, I really liked that book and thought that it brought up many interesting points on children’s development of ideas about race. How children really are innocent, and how adults impose their ideas of race onto children. Also liked her thoughts on how to deal with racism – prepare the child for it so they are prepared, but don’t dwell on it so they see it everywhere. I’m excited to see what you think about it.

    Here’s to waiting and eternal limbo….

  4. I certainly hope we’re allowed to whine more than once, because I feel like whining and I’m still in the paperwork stage. I guess the only positive thing I can think of to say is that at least part of the delays are caused by investigations to confirm children’s orphan status. So when you do bring your child home you will rest easier knowing that your child really needed you.

  5. Ahhh, the one-time-woe-is-me post was more of a personal goal…if you feel the need, please unleash! If not here than where?

    I’d love to congratulate you on a year of Waiting, but that would just be mean…. this “life on pause, semi-planning’ state we are both in is not very satisfying and I really hope it ends for both of us. Soon. Since our Waitaversary (way back in Nov) days creep by and each day I think, “this could be it,” but alas, nothing. Once again, those pre-referral calls are crap; mine was in August so…hmmmm…

    Keep self-medicating with books, wine and frequent blog posts and emails. We’re in this for the long haul.

  6. Hang in there. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger — or so they tell me. I haven’t figured out if I believe it yet.

  7. I’ve got that book on my night stand (in truth a pile of books on the floor by my bed) and hope to tackle a book a month during my wait. I will start this one now so I can keep up with you. I’m also very open to suggestions of other great reads. Oh, and while I’m on the topic, I would love to find some beautiful Ethiopian photography coffee table type books to have out in the living room. Any suggestions??
    🙂 Anne

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