The Day I’ve Dreaded

So, today is like any day.  I’ll go to work.  The kids will go to school.  Andrew will stay home to work on his dissertation.  The puppy will chew up something he shouldn’t.  We’ll pick up the kids, have dinner, do homework and put them to bed.  The thing is, that on the calendar, it’s not a normal day.

It’s our Waitaversary.

That’s right, one year ago today, we went on the waiting list.  One year ago today, we were freaking out, wondering how on earth we would finish saving up for the entire adoption.  We were wondering how we would coordinate things if we got a referral in three months.  We were hoping that the kids were ready to accept new siblings into the family.  We were cramming to read all the best adoption literature.  We were dreaming about how to redecorate the kids’ rooms in an effort to ease the transition.  (Okay, so that was mainly me, I’m not sure Andrew ever considered the decorating part…)

Flash forward to today.  We are weary.  Tired of waiting.  Tired of dreaming.  Tired of thinking up new responses to the question, “What’s going on with the adoption?”  We saved up the money, read the books, prepared the kids and picked out new room decor.  (Again, that part is me…Andrew hasn’t seen it yet in case I change my mind after we get a referral.)

It seems like the last year has been lived with life on the pause button.  You try not to think about it every day, but every day something comes up that requires you to think about whether you can commit to something.  For example, can we plan a trip in May?  Maybe, but maybe we’ll be in Ethiopia. So we go through life in an awkward state of semi-planning, prefacing everything with “if we’re not in Ethiopia,” but getting less and less sure if it will ever happen.

Meg says that we’re only allowed one whiny, woe-is-me post, and I think I’ve already exceeded that limit.  So, rather than bore you on a regular basis with depressing news of nothing, I’ve decided to take the blog in a new direction.

As I said, I’ve done a lot of reading.  I love to read, and learning more about adoption, Ethiopia, and parenting in general is especially good reading.  But, I realize that many of you don’t like to read.  (I realize it, but I don’t understand it…)  So, I thought I would share with you the nuggets of information I’ve gleaned from the various resources I’ve picked up over the last year.  Consider it a Cliff Notes on Adoption column, where you can skip the reading and just get the important stuff.  I’m not a literary critic or a scholar, but I know what I like and what is helpful to me as a real mom.  At least it will give me something to do.

Up first on the nightstand:

Look for my review of I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race Conscious World: A Guide for Parents and Teachers by Marguerite Wright sometime in the next week.